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Happy Freakin’ Birthday!

September 15, 2010

This past weekend was Buzzkill’s and my birthdays. So, we are both Virgos. Not sure what that means other than we both are orderly and controlling. Although, I have learned to let a bit of the control go with each passing birthday and think I have been happier for it. Doesn’t everyone feel better after reciting the Serenity Prayer?

Along with the Serenity Prayer, I have found that finding humor in things also really helps. This was no more true than on my birthday on Sunday. While Buzzkill was doing keg stands and getting inked at her country club’s “College Days” party, I was having a different birthday experience. It went something like this:

First, my devoted husband was looking forward to September 12th all year-long. Because it was my birthday? No, because it was the Bears’ Season Home Opener, the best day of the year. He was so excited to be going to the game and was as giddy as a kid on Christmas. This came to a screeching halt when his mother planned a family party on that day for his grandfather. Annoyed, hurt and confused, he called her as soon as he heard the plan and confronted her, “Mom, do you realize what day you scheduled the party on?”. “I know, Ace’s birthday…sorry…” his mom replied. “NO, the Bears’ game!” he shouted as he reverted to his four-year old tantrumed infused self.

I awake to my two-year old on my birthday asking for a new diaper, breakfast, and the donning of a princess costume. My husband lay pretending to be asleep. After a few minutes, I fling the covers off and go to aid her every demand. As I am eating cereal, he wanders out offering that he was going to make me eggs. No “Happy Birthday” yet, no card, no gift….

We rally the troops and set off for our four-hour commute, round-trip, to the south side for a five-hour long party in a restaurant. This feels awesome on my 19 month pregnant body, by the way, as my 12 pound unborn child lay resting on an almost dilated cervix. Did I mention I forgot my coccyx cushion, uuuugh?

On the journey home, my husband asks for the tenth time if my parents have called to wish me a happy birthday. Reluctantly, I say “no”. I really don’t care, but he can’t let it go and insists that I call them. It is about 7pm and I call to find out if they have literally fallen off the cliff that they live on, coincidentally named Cliff Road. Perhaps this could explain a thing or two. Before I finish dialing, I predict to my husband that they are going to defend their actions by reminding me that they already sent a card and a check for my birthday.

My father picks up the phone and then my mother joins in. I start by asking if anyone is hurt….no, good….next, do they still use a sun dial or perhaps the Mayan Calendar to tell time?….no, ok…….Then I gently ask if they know what today is besides Sunday? It takes a minute, but then remember…. “Happy Birthday To You….” sung out of tune rings through my phone.

Then, as predicted, my dad  said “didn’t I get their card (which wasn’t even signed and blank inside!) and their check?! ” Well, yes, and thanks again very much appreciated”. My beloved father was baffled why he or my mom would actually need to call on my birthday and it was ridiculous for me to have such unrealistic expectations. Did I mention this is the second or third year in a row they haven’t called on my birthday?

Then, as I am sulking a bit in the car, I mumble to my husband that it would have been nice to have had a song, card or a candle to blow out on my birthday. I get in bed as soon as we get home as I am desperate to lay horizontally. He and my son walk in with a candle singing happy birthday in my son’s refrozen, half-eaten ice cream from the day before from Cold Stone Creamery. I thought it was really sweet and lay in bed waiting for them to bring me my share with a spoon.

After 20 minutes, I go on a hunt to find them playing Wii and my husband eating the last bite of ice cream. “Nice!” I said, “where is my ice cream?!”. He retorted, “you told me you didn’t want any in the car!” I explained, that was my answer when you asked if I wanted to stop somewhere. Of course, I want to at least have a bite from my “birthday” candle/song dessert.

At the end of it, I was cracking up at how the day had gone. What else can you do? Of course, all parties involved asked if this was going to be material for a blog. Here is your answer, ha! Thank God for girlfriends who always seem to remember or at least can empathize.

*In my husband’s defense he had asked if he could combine a birthday and push present gift. But, come on Man, can I at least have a bite of ice cream?!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 15, 2010 9:42 am

    Oh – I’ve been there, done that….I did get a cake – but one that 3/4 of this household is allegic too! The only one not allergic to this particular cake was the actual cake giver! (I threw it out in a very dramatic manner!) Argh….Next year – join us at the kegger!

  2. tennisdress permalink
    September 15, 2010 9:45 am

    I’m there!!

  3. tenniswall permalink
    September 15, 2010 12:13 pm

    Just tell him no biggie, I mean it’s not like he has a big bday coming up or anything?!?!

    The push present you pick out will be spectacular I’m sure 🙂

  4. Edyta permalink
    September 16, 2010 12:37 pm

    Happy belated Birthday! BTW, GREAT blog!!!

  5. tennisdress permalink
    September 16, 2010 3:41 pm

    Thanks, Edyta!

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