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She Pooped in Her Pants

April 3, 2011

ok correction, she pooped in OUR pants.

It seems not everyone abides with the unspoken law of wearing underwear when trying on clothes.  As one client showed us in a spectacular display.

WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS VISUALS THAT ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR SMALL CHILDREN, PREGNANT WOMEN, OR PEOPLE WITH UNEASY STOMACHS.  PLEASE CONSULT WITH YOUR DOCTOR, OR JACK NICHOLSON, TO SEE IF YOU CAN  “HANDLE THE TRUTH.”  AND PLEASE MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY AFTER READING.

It was a bright cheery morning.  Birds are chirping, bunnies hopping, and the first signs of spring were upon us.  I had a few clients coming over to do some last-minute team try ons.  What could be better on this beautiful morning than a few more sales?

They show up, we toast with a mimosa and they begin to try on the clothes.  And then….it began to rain

“Um Spinner, it seems that this garment is a little, um, dirty.”

“Oh,” I say, slightly distracted, as my clean white patio is becoming a big muddy mess with all this rain, “is there a little dirt on it?”

“Not quite,” she says, “You may want to come and take a look.”

I walk over and inside the garment is, how do I put this delicately, streaks.

These were not little streaks.  They were full-on 18-wheeler, going from 100 mph to 0 in 2 second streaks.

After I was finished yelling a bunch of obscenities, that all seemed to be synonyms of the act, I looked at the client and said, “Ok, I’ll give you 30% off.”

No sale.

After the clients left, I geared up to dispose of the garment.  With rubber gloves, bio-toxic suit and clothes pin for the nose, I then took tongs and placed the garment in a sealed bag.

I thought about reporting the incident to the police, but not sure how they would solve this crime.  DNA? Butt prints? But more importantly, would this incident show up in the police blotter?  I don’t think I could handle opening up the paper this week and reading, “Garment was reported damaged as someone defecated on it”

While some will say, all press is good press, I’m pretty sure being known as the “poopy pants company” is not the image we are going for.

Now Ace had a heart attack when she heard.  She has been researching “disposable underwear” to hand out to each client before trying on the clothes.

SFG has been busy making signs. “Underwear must be worn when trying on garments.  Offenders will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law!!”

Not sure what the punishment is for not wiping your butt properly, but whatever it is, I’m sure my 3-year-old is also guilty.

Now I’m more concerned with where else did this person sit in my house?!?  I’ve been Lysoling the entire property.  Even the pots and pans are sparkling like never before.

I have to mark this item out of stock on our inventory sheet.  Time to color another dot.  So I got back out my crayon box …..wait for it……and marked it with a brown crayon.

I’m hoping I never have to take the brown crayon out again (or the yellow one for that matter!).

2011 Copyright Smashing LLC 2010 Copyright smashingonline.wordpress.com

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