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Did you hear that SCREAM at Costco? That was me.

October 27, 2011

Some years I dread the holidays, declaring I officially will be unfestive, and other years I gear up announcing I plan on going BIG. Not surprisingly, these two moods usually take turns nicely every other year. One year to recover, one year to go all out. I am already planning to get my Clark Griswald on (not surprising since last year I had a new baby and was staying as far away from mistletoe as possible). The Christmas cards have already arrived and the order for the fresh garland is placed – and we haven’t even donned our Halloween costumes let alone our “gay apparel”!

The other day while shopping at Costco with my two youngest kids, I passed a lighted magnifying mirror. As I strolled over to investigate, I justified the upcoming purchase as…. an early Christmas present for myself. Just what I had been looking for as I had become suspicious of my aging eyes and if they were still telling me the truth as I gazed a good three and half feet away. I accidentally startled my daughters with the youngest bursting into tears as I screamed in horror at the truth, the ugly honest truth, this horrible mirror was telling me. I now understood where the Queen in Snow White was coming from! I immediately regretted my decision and yearned for the sweet lies my distant bathroom mirror gave me. Off I went to find my stocking stuffers: tweezers, anti-aging eye cream and hair coloring.

While there, I picked up the Halloween candy. The plan was to not open until Monday. That plan failed miserably and immediately has me shopping for my next early Christmas present, Zumba Wii and you are not going to believe this, Gilad Workout Videos. You remember Gilad. I am sure you flipped past him on the tv in the 90’s and stopped to watch Gilad and his backup aerobic trainers standing on the black circular mats on the beaches of Hawaii. It was hypnotic. I did these videos in college and was in the best shape of my life, I am absolutely positive  they will work again – I just need to find my old VCR.

The plan continues with decorating early, like the day after Halloween, for Christmas this year. I know, crazy and probably annoying, but considering our usual Thanksgiving weekend will not be an option this year and two out of the three parties we are hosting are the next weekend, not much time to deck the halls.

I was actually going to try to take Spinner’s advice this year and head out on Black Friday at 4am like she does every year until she described her “strategy” and that she finds that her great height “really gives her the competitive edge” made the whole experience sound way too intense for me. Guess, I’ll wait for Cyber Monday like every other year. But you, our dear friends of Smashing, are going to be lucky to get an earlier Christmas shopping present; stay tuned for upcoming holiday specials where you don’t have to get up early, be over six feet, or wait until Cyber Monday. If you haven’t already, now is a great time to sign up for our Smashing Newsletter to ensure you get all the great deals

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Spinner permalink
    October 27, 2011 8:52 am

    Come on Ace. You get the low shelves– I’ll get the high shelves. We will be UNSTOPPABLE — and btw the best workout of all is the Black Friday Dash!

  2. Ace permalink
    October 27, 2011 10:44 am

    I may be more tempted by the big breakfast afterwards!

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