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Quick, There is $$ Under the Table!!!

November 27, 2011

For all you “nay sayers” that told us we won’t turn a profit until at least year 3, all I have to say is you obviously have not talked to the payroll lady.

I got a phone call the other day, from a lady from a reputable payroll firm.  She wanted to know if we were happy with the system we are using for payroll.

“Actually it is awful, ” I say, “I haven’t gotten a check in months.”

“Oh no, ” she responds, generally concerned, “You need to have it automated so that doesn’t happen.”

“Yeah, ” I say “We can’t really afford to outsource payroll right now. We are a new business and need to keep costs in check”

“Well you should reconsider,” she says gaining steam, “There are lots of new tax laws and you need to make sure you are in compliance.”

“I’m pretty sure we are in compliance,” I say on the brink of laughter

“Are you SUUURREE?  They are very tricky,” she responds

“I’m SUUURRREE,” I say “The percent tax on zero profit is still zero right?”

“Not necessarily,” she responds clearly not understanding what I said, “You really need a specialist.”

“Oh I’m not going to argue, we definitely need a kind of “specialist”,” I say dripping in sarcasm.

“Let’s set up a lunch and I can walk you through the services we provide, ” she says triumphant in catching “the big one.”

“Listen,” I say losing interest in this game, “We don’t have a payroll dept because we don’t have any money to pay ourselves.  Our money goes right back into our biz.  You understand what I’m saying?.”

Clearly this is some “secret payroll code” as she goes nuts

“Money under the table IS NOT A GOOD OPTION,” she says

“Wait.  There is MONEY UNDER THE TABLE?!!?  Why didn’t I think to look there?”

I have clearly flustered her as I hear her ruffling through papers to see how she is supposed to respond to a sarcastic, non-profit generating company.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, I decide to throw her a bone, “Why don’t you send some info to my office and when we turn a profit and are ready for payroll, I’ll give you a call.”

“Great,” she responds, “I follow-up with you next week.”

Sounds like there is A LOT of money under the table……

Now I feel bad for this lady, so in an effort to get enough money to have a payroll dept, we are extending our Small Biz Sat deal — through Monday — 30% off the entire site with SBS30  .  Help us help the payroll lady.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 27, 2011 10:18 pm

    Haha, I guess she is optimistic about you turning a profit pretty fast, she’s wants to follow-up with you next week! Gotta love telemarketers. Keep the blogs posts poing, love ’em!

  2. Spinner permalink
    November 27, 2011 10:22 pm

    I’m hoping she knows something we don’t. I mean she does work in payroll!

  3. November 28, 2011 6:29 am

    Did you ask her if she played tennis or golf and wanted a new outfit?

  4. November 28, 2011 1:58 pm

    You crack me up! I’ll do what I can to help you… and your payroll lady.

  5. Spinner permalink
    November 28, 2011 2:29 pm

    Thanks! I’ll let the payroll lady know when she calls next week

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