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Can You Spare A Square?

March 13, 2013

TP 06I often joke that my purse is equipped like I’m going to a taping of “Let’s Make a Deal.”  But while I have a screwdriver, a set of silverware and a pair of safety scissors, I was missing an essential element for this week’s factory meeting — a roll of toilet paper.

Boss and I had a meeting at the factory this week on our production line.  Boss is a regular at the factory and knows all the workers, the secret passage up to the office (it involves following some elusive red line), and the secret knock needed to get someones attention.  She also knew to go to the bathroom before we left for the factory.

After our hour drive down and my large, no ice, ice tea my bladder was indeed full.  And since I have had 3 kids, and skipped doing my Keegels (major mistake), I really needed to go.

I ask Boss where the bathroom is and her reply is,” You brought toilet paper right?”

I give a snicker and say, “Ok, seriously, where is the bathroom.”

“They don’t have toilet paper here.  All the workers bring their own.  Do you have a tissue?” she replies trying to restrain her laughter. (although she was smiling with her eyes)

As I grumble in disbelief, I rummage through my bag and yes, I do have a tissue, although I’m pretty sure it was used by my five-year-old last week.  I decide I’m going to have to hold it.

As we are sitting in the meeting, I find myself interjecting to get through the small talk and talking at an alarmingly fast pace that can only rival the 1980s FedEx commercials.  It’s hard to focus when you have a full bladder.

Finally we are done with the meeting and I’m already planning to which McDonald’s we are going to have to stop through on the way home so I can use their facilities.

But then, Boss has another question.

NO, NO, NO MORE QUESTIONS.  I HAVE TO PEE!  I am shouting in my head.  I now have beads of sweat appearing on my forehead, and I’m pretty sure my body is reaching some toxic level by holding it.

Finally, I can take it no longer, I turn to our production supervisor and say, “Can you spare a square?”

(You’ll be happy to know, that she did.)


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