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The Tape Measure that Unraveled the Match

February 9, 2015

Tennis ladies are nuts.

Below is a recap of our tennis match from last week.  And to be clear I was on Court 4 of the B Team (not 1 or 2 and not A).  I don’t want a Brian Williams situation.  Although I have been told that many ladies that I have played against are training for Wimbledon.

I show up for our match this week and find that I am playing my arch nemesis.  Now they are my arch nemesis because 2 years ago I broke my tooth during a match against them and ever since I’ve had a bad taste in my mouth about this club (pun intended).  So I was none too pleased when I showed up and realized that we were playing the tooth extraction team.

We go to our courts to warm up and one of our opponents cannot hit a ball to save her life — we’ll call her Krazy Town (names may or may not have been changed).  So my partner looks at me in astonishment as she has hit about 2 balls during the entire warm up.  Krazy Town couldn’t even feed her a lob and so her partner had to basically feed all the balls to both myself and my partner while Krazy Town watched with a confused look.

Since I love to crack jokes I start making wise cracks about how Krazy Town is really an A team player and a tennis hustler and is waiting to unleash her awesome strength.  Our opponents laugh nervously.  Well guess what?!?  We were right — but I’ll get to that in a minute.

So we are getting ready for the racket spin to determine serve and this thing flies onto our court.  I yell to the court next to us that I think something flew from their bench and they might want to retrieve it (thinking it was someone’s cell phone).  When Krazy Town’s partner announces, ” No that’s a tape measure for me.”

“What?” I say looking at my partner in confusion.

“I’m going to measure the net,” Krazy Town’s partner says.

At this point, I grab my cell phone because I HAVE to take a picture of this knowing this match is going to turn into a blog.

So Krazy Town’s partner measures the net and then calls down to court 2 “Hey how high is it supposed to be?”

Classic.  My partner and I are in hysterics until our opponent turns to us and asks us how high it should be.  How the heck should we know?  We are playing Court 4 of the B Team (again, I don’t want a Brian Williams moment) — you are lucky we have our shoes on the right feet.

They have determined the net is at the proper height so we are now allowed to begin the match (whew!  good thing, because if they asked us to fix the net I’m sure I would have broken another tooth in the process)

We play a few games and we are down 0-4 in about 10 minutes because Krazy Town is obviously Maria Sharapova in disguise.  We try to reassess and start doing Australian, I formation, break dancing — you know all the classic things to break their concentration.  We eventually grab a few games and it is 2-5.

We are up in the 8th game and Krazy Town overhits a ball and it sails out.  Both my partner and I at the same time call “OUT!”,  and of course are so happy because it is now 3-5.  Well Krazy Town was not as happy,

“What?!  That was in!” She yells “This is why no one likes to play your club because you are all a bunch of cheaters.  This is ridiculous.”

My partner and I look at each other, slightly wounded, as we love people to love us.  We are the fun ones!

“Sorry,” I say to Krazy Town, “but it was definitely out.”

Krazy Town isn’t buying it and now goes to full-on berserk mode.   She is hitting the ball so hard and so high that I was able to cancel my hair appt because each ball that sailed by me took a little off the sides.  But with her berserk-ness she ending up making a lot of mistakes and we take the first set 7-5.

Oh she is NOT happy.

Now she won’t look at us, mumbles under her breath and gives constant eye rolls. I thought for a moment I was playing against my teenage daughter.

During the second set we are destroying them and are up 4-0.  We had just had a very long rally and so I run to the sideline to take a quick drink between games (point to note, I had taken 2 drinks the entire match so far).  Krazy Town runs to the sideline, blocks my way to my water bottle, and says,

“It’s an even game, you can’t take a drink.”

Ok, now this is getting fun.

So I retort, ” You haven’t given me my balls yet (her partner was busy retrieving all 3 balls) and I have 20 seconds.”

Krazy Town is now beat red and yells,” You both are so unsportsmanlike!  This is the worst match I have ever played!”  And then she proceeds to take a long, L-O-N-G swig of water.

Now I know the match is officially over because she has become such a head case.  She hits every ball at lightening speed into the net. So much so, that I think the net has actually gotten lower.  Wish I knew someone with a tape measure.

We end up winning 7-5, 6-2

Karma is sweet.

If you are looking for some new tennis or golf wear, Smashing has many styles in many different lengths.  And I might even have a tape measure to double-check. Use code NEW30 to get an extra 30% off at checkout at SmashingOnline.



One Comment leave one →
  1. February 10, 2015 12:59 pm

    Great story Kelly. I really enjoyed it for a lot of reasons. Thanks.

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